The roomies

Six years of my life I have lived as a bachelor. With bachelors. Countless number of times I have talked to people who have lived/are living this way. The inference of all those talks and shared experiences I am sharing below:

1. The place: Can be a room, an apartment or a whole house. Will contain desktops if you are a student or a television, refrigerator, inverter, and probably a washing machine if you are working.

2. The smell: Is same as Chandni bar on Sunday morning.

3. The balcony: If there is any, is strewn with hanging ropes with an assortment of underwears, baniyans, socks and towels.

4. There will always be a lazy guy who will always wake up late and wear the same stinky t-shirt or shirt to college/office.

5. There will be one person who will never wash the utensils. Similarly, there will be one person who will always wash all the utensils.

6. There will be one bachelor who will wear the same underwear for days. His mannerisms will be like Sachin Tendulkar on crease.

7. There will be one person who will always be on phone. If they are in college, he will be the dude of the room.

8. There are smokers. Occasional – they will occasionally smoke a cigarette during a daru party. Loaners – who will never buy one but ask for a kash or a whole cigarette from another. Light smokers – will smoke after lunch and dinner. And then there is the Guru, who believes that the fire at the end of the stick is God-sent and shall never be doused – eternal. He has at least twenty cigarettes lying all over the apartment at strategic locations so that he will have fast access to it in case of an emergency. He has at least three packs in his cupboard/almirah/suitcase in case of sudden apocalypse. He’s the one people go to in the middle of the night: “Abe sutta khatam ho gaya hai, ek de de bhai…”.

9. Pan wallah: He’s the Guru in a completely different sense. His demeanor exuberates calm, saint-like tranquility. Like a sadhu on maun vrat, he remains unperturbed from the ecosystem which surrounds him. People around him find peace near him. People not usually around him think he’s an introvert. Neither is true, it’s just that his mouth is always full of Pan Parag or Rajnigandha or Tulsi.

10. There will be one person who will always be late in matters related to rent payments, contribution for daru parties, etc.

11. Sharaabi: Irom Sharmila isn’t the only one who’s on a liquid diet. There are people who drink whiskey and/or vodka and/or rum and/or wine and/or beer and/or desi and/or any other kind of liquor more than the Volturi drink blood. They may also often be seen with a joint in the other hand. You can see them in the morning with their head in their hands complaining of headache because they didn’t get to drink the previous night.

12. The aam aadmi: He’s the one who will get up on time in the morning, get fresh, bathe, do a small prayer in front of a small photo of a deity (ranging from Lord Shiva to Sai baba) and go to college/office. When he returns, he’ll wash his clothes, watch some news, or Big Boss, or Pavitra Rishta, eat from the kitchen and go to sleep. He can often be sighted holding a glass of pepsi in a room daru party. These guys are usually good cooks and do a part time job as handyman if you want a pack of cigarettes or a quarter of Blender’s Pride from the market if he’s going their for his packet of milk.

13. Tharki: He can describe Lalita Pawar in such a way that she’ll look like Pamela Anderson the next time you see her. The pinnacle of human equality, every girl/woman is same for him.

14. Gadget freak: In school, a friend of mine used to be called a gadget freak because he owned a scientific calculator. Now it has been replaced by the latest Apple product (which frequently gets replaced by another Apple product). These guys have credit card bills in the multiple of ten thousands. They will not believe they are standing in front of the Taj Mahal if Google maps won’t confirm it.          

While I can say that I miss those days, my wife is the most avid reader of this blog, so I’ll say that I’m happier now.